what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
