Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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