No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
