He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
