I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
