sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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