WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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