She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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