so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
