He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
