Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
