did you get engaged???
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
