Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My hand turned me down
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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