Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
