My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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