so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
