I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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