just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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