I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
