I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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