I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
