I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Randomize
