you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
