I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Life is so much better after having sex.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
