i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
BRING THE BAGELS
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
