i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
