if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
