i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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