The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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