oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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