Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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