It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
