I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
