My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
There's even glitter on my cock...
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