Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
