I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
