You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
