I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
