Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
