Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
