I'm eating all of the evidence.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
