if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
