I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
