Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
