What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
