Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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