Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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