google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
