my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
