Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
this will be a night to untag.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
