let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
