She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
