'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
