I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
