I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
