She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
