I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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