you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
